Keep on Moving

What to do. After a few months of freezing up, I'm on my way again. We've decided to add "adoption through foster care" into our adoption mix. The state says you cannot do both state and private adoption nor "trying" all at the same time! It seem unfair and it really seems like it's only our business on how we decide to build our family. I don't get it. But we are doing private and state adoption mix. The further this process goes on the more frustrating it becomes. Not the waiting but the "black market" approach the adoption industry has. I don't want to be negative but it's true. On the other side I know there is a baby/child out there who is right for us - I'm just a bit overwhelmed.
So now I move on to checking into a third agency to work with AND to start marketing us. Maybe Utah has a right agency for us. Note about Kansas agency - They are really great. No child yet but they are really great to work with so far. The Colorado agency not so much. Actually not at all. They say they haven't been showing us because our "budget" is too low. I told them it's the budget they advertise and they said it's still too low. So I upped it just a bit to see if we would get shown and still "our budget is too low" I do not want to work with them!

Vermont Life

We bought our home in West Newbury Vermont on July 14, 2010 - we are so blessed. We have a beautiful country home on 10.3 acres with a barn and a chicken shed (kind of) and views of the White Mountains. The day has a breeze, the weather is sunny and dry and the sky is blue with white fluffy clouds. We live on a dirt road that has maybe 5 cars a day pass by. I'm sitting in front of a wall of glass doors open with the breeze, watching the mountains and Liam hedge the weeds and grass around the stone wall of the barn. All we can hear are the crickets and the leaves blowing in the breeze. I love it here, it feeds my soul.

Still Nothing

Since we started this we've received 3 calls for potential matches but none of them fit our profile. We've been sent exactly the opposite of what our profile said. It really feels so empty out there. Like nothing is ever going to happen. I wonder if this is a normal feeling for waiting adoptive parents. I mean, maybe this too isn't our path??? I'm so confused because it just feels so much like nothing.... but feeling that is a feeling, I guess.
Will we ever adopt a healthy baby? Maybe we are too old for the regions we are signed up to adopt from.
Ugh this is so NOTHING!

Nothing

So nothing to report. It's so quiet that it doesn't feel like anything at all. Liam suggests that I find a "waiting to adopt" group to talk to about these feelings. The best way I was able to explain it to Liam is that it must feel like what men feel like when their wife is pregnant. You are cognitive of it but you can't feel it or really understand it. There is no emotional tie to it or the idea of it. We go through some of the motions of trying to think of boy names (as you know we picked a girl name - Lior) and I bought this stool for Liam for our child - Liam is an airplane junky, but that's about it. Some say to embrace the idea and start living/acting like you are pregnant and others say don't get your hopes up because the birth mom can change her mind at delivery. I'm stuck between the two theories.

Our First Call for a Match!

Sounds good right?? Nope. I'm not sure if they read our profile at all for what we are looking for. The Colorado agency sent us a birthmother profile that had just about everything we didn't want. Let's see... no prenatal care, she has no idea what sex it is (which is actually fine for us), the use of drugs and alcohol during the 5 months of her pregnancy (and she is 5.5 months pregnant), loads of personal and family health issues, huge monthly support fees.... the list goes on. The two things we really liked about this profile though was that 1) she only wanted to meet us once then to never see us again and that 2) her dad seems to be incredibly talented in music and art (though he is in prison).
It didn't take us long to make the decision to not to accept this match but it has been on Liam's mind ever since. He thought, "who will really take this kid?" - "We should take him because I'm sure no one else will." - "I can't really believe that someone really has that kind of life, it's so sad and makes me feel really bad." It's true though. You do get to know the birthmother even through the paperwork alone and you get a good sense about here and we're sure she's a good person in a life she was brought into; and she doesn't know any different.
But going back to the adoption agency.....what the heck were they doing sending us this kind of profile calling it a potential match!!!!!

Full stop.

It's so quiet

It's very strange to think we are adopting an infant. We want to plan the details of welcoming a baby into our home but at the same time it doesn't feel real. We feel nothing. I'm not pregnant so I don't feel tired, angry, sad, big... we can't feel a baby move... we don't get to have ultrasounds proving to us we are having a baby. Instead I feel fine, I have energy, I'm happy, I'm rowing and coaching, drinking wine.... hmmm we are just having normal, good times together. It's so quiet on the outside.

Next. We are thinking of going through the DSS (foster kids) for infants as well. We just learned that there are more infants than usual right now available in MA, so we thought we'd put in our application for the state as well. One of my friends adopted a child from the state and apparently it's a much easier application process and god knows we have EVERYTHING they could want about us. So that's an update for you! We'll see. It's just another option for us!

Kansas is all set!

I just received an email from the adoption agency in Kansas and she said we are all set and officially in the "waiting period" with them as well.
So now we officially waiting to adopt in Colorado, Oklahoma, and Kansas. Our baby is out there somewhere. We also looked at cribs yesterday :-) Liam started it :-)

Waiting Feels Empty

So I have very little contact with the adoption agencies. It all feels so strange.
Today I scheduled us a "meet and greet" with a pediatrician that has been highly recommended to us. Apparently it's good to have a network of people to consult with when making a decision to accept a match. So now we have a pediatrician, my aunt who is an OBGYN, and the MA adoption social worker to help us make a quick and informative decision. Viola... now can we have a match?!

I received my MA state license to practice Speech Pathology again. Not sure where this will take me but for now I am out of the Marketing world! It feels really good.

As I mentioned before, we put in an offer for a house that we love so much in Vermont. (Pictures are in an earlier post) The owner would not come down to our price. It really is the difference between the % the realtor would get. We sent him a letter saying that if his contract ends with the realtor we'd be happy to talk and work directly with him. We hope that this will work to our advantage. We went to Vermont this weekend to look at other homes and we found one that is really pretty inside but nothing really special like the house we love. But we will think about it and continue to look at other homes as we go through this process.

Back in Boston and no News to report

It was a long journey home from Trinidad yesterday but a really good flight. Check out these photos from the airplane crossing over the Bahamas! You can see the mountains under the water!! It was really amazing!

Waiting In Trinidad and Tobago

We are in lovely Trinidad! Liam is working with BP this week in Trinidad so I've come along with him to see the country. It is a beautiful small country. The people are so friendly and actually very beautiful too. The down side is everything is expensive and there is a lot of crime. I'm told over and over again not to walk alone.
While Liam's been working I've been checking everything out. I hired a driver for two days and met two other women (one from Atlanta and the other from Ireland) and we toured around together. We went to the Pitch Lake, a tour in the swamps to see wildlife, an amazing beach called Maracas, visited a beautiful Hindu temple, and had lovely picnics and amazing drives from coast to coast. When Liam gets off work he meets me for a sunset drink and then we just go to dinner. But we did stop and hear a steal drum band practicing for Carnaval! It was a huge band and sounded like and orchestra!


WE ARE WAITING??? OH REALLY??? THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW!!!!
Waiting period begins in Colorado. Today I spoke to the Colorado adoption agency and they have everything they need from us and we have been told that we now just need to wait. I have to say this is pretty anticlimactic!! We submitted the huge application, our home study, our dear birth mom books, and the check over a week ago but I had not heard anything from them. It was making feel like what the heck!! nothing is happening!! I called them today from skype and asked "have you received everything from our home study? Is there anything missing?? What do we do next???" The adoption agency says, "yes we have everything and no, there is nothing for you to do. Now you wait for a match." I was like "so you don't call to tell me anything?? This is it?? We just wait in silence??" (I didn't say that to her but that is what I was feeling.) So after all the anticipation of what happens when you get to the 'waiting period' - all there is is silence - you wait. I feel like they should say "You are GREAT!, You are finished and we are excited to be working with you! Let's talk again! Here is what happens next!" But nothing at all not even a call to say "hi we've received everything and you are all set." Nope, nothing. It's worse than ordering something from online! At least when you order something you get an email confirmation, and an approximate delivery date!
We received silence....shhhh... now you just wait.

Laurence's baby is finally home with her

I have wonderful news! As you know Laurence was adopting a baby from Haiti and she went to see him the week before the earthquake. Well, because of the terrible situation, the Luxembourg government worked with Haiti to release the waiting children from the orphanage. ANNNNNDDDD he is home in Luxembourg with Laurence as of yesterday Jan. 21, 2010! They are doing well and fortunately they bonded just the week before so Laszlo is already comfortable in Laurence's arms. She is madly in love with him and ever since she met him in Haiti she felt instantly that this is her son and her new life.

This photo is of the two of them in Haiti. God bless them!

The Waiting Game

So what am I doing while I'm waiting..... Check this out. I'm tiling things in our house.

Everything is about waiting right now!!! Ugh.
- We are waiting to hear about the offer we put in for the house in Vermont (see photos below!)
- We are waiting to hear that everything is all set from Colorado and that they will start presenting us to mom's.
- I'm waiting to see if I get my speech & language state license to do some work in that field ONCE AGAIN! They said it would take 3 weeks and it's only been just about two weeks since they received everything. Doing speech seems to fit a little bit better in my life right now. As you know it's been the gorilla on my back for years! Anyway, while I'm in the middle of a career change I thought I'd do some speech.

The House we love so much below. It has such nice views too. smaller views from the house then bigger views from the top of the 5 acres (I don't have a photo of the big view). It's a small house but a really great place for us to spend our weekends.

Colorado is First!

So this week we finished the 40 page detailed application and sent it out to Adoption Choices of Colorado. It was a big step! When I went to the post office the little old man who works there said to me "So, you're adopting?" He's never even looked at me before. He smiled and said his niece and nephew were adopted. Funny. And there it went off to Colorado. We are on our way.
I just called today (Friday) though, and they have not received the huge application yet.....eeeekkkk. They better get it soon. It's making me crazy. I just want to get this going.

We decided to start with Colorado because they didn't have a problem with the fact that Liam and I have not been married for a year yet and Kansas did. So once Colorado has us just "waiting" we'll send Kansas their shorter application and books. Maybe by the first week of Feb. Not sure.

Liam will now send our birth mom book into production and send a few to Colorado. They told us they have a lot of "activity" right now..... let's go, let's go, let's go!!!!

Everything takes sooo long to do these days and I'm trying not to fight it.
Even putting in an offer to buy a house in Vermont! Heck, we decided back in the end of Nov that we would put in an offer and STILL we are in that process too. We actually put in the offer yesterday! We'll see how this works out. I want to put it all out there and not force anything during this very emotional time (maybe year) for us.

What are we doing???

Liam and I went through a really hard time last weekend about the adoption process. It's incredibly difficult to go through this process. We just laid in bed last weekend after finishing our birth mom book thinking - wow, this is big. How do we trust we will not be taken advantage of? How do we know we really shouldn't try egg donor for one last shot of our own?? The emotions are so complicated. Our fears do not come with having the baby (all parents fear this part) but we just fear the match. Will we make the right decision? Will the birth mom change her mind at delivery. Will it be a scam? It's all about the money (adoption), and it's all about the birth mom and not about the adoptive parents. It's difficult for us too. All of our hopes and dreams and fears...so much is out of our control. We have to trust a lot of people .
After deep discussions and for me, going to church, it came to me again so clear that we are doing the right thing. We could never go back and do the egg donor idea. This is right and I pray that we will not be taken advantage of financially and emotionally and that we will make the right choice in picking the birth mom.

We finished the birth mom book and it's ready to print and send out!

Finding the energy

Someone said to me recently that she went through infertility treatments and when that failed they decided to adopt. She said if she knew then what she knows now she would have never even tried infertility treatments because she couldn't even imagine loving another child more than she loves her adopted daughter. It's really inspiring. Nevertheless, yesterday I had a really strong blow to my motivation, mood, heart.... A good friend of mine who is about 1 year older than I am found out that she has perfect FSH levels and will be looking into sperm donor. I was incredibly happy for her and very excited that she has this chance. But then I suddenly began to cry for my loss (our loss). I hadn't cried that hard in a really long time about this. Though I would honestly never try infertility treatments again, and though I love the idea of adoption (minus the costs), and I know it feels so right for me, I was very surprised that I am still processing this loss. I'm so fearful of the unknown and that really it's totally out of my control.

So after a good night with my adaptive rowing crew (winter training) and a great conversation with Liam, today is a new day and I'm finding the energy and enthusiasm to get this done and find a job!

>Today Liam and I realized that in our early 40's who would have thought we'd be going to 4 weddings this year!! Jack and Nancy in June in MA, Anton and Mariana in August in Bulgaria, Rose and Steve in September in MA, and then Louise and Geoffrey in December in Cape Town SA.

This year is really going to be exciting and full of surprises!!!

Oh yes..... now on to finishing that pressing birth mom book!

Kansas said yes

After a day of being at the New England Rehab Hospital for speech observation hours, I receive the call from Kansas. They said they would in fact accept our application. They say that even if we get matched right away the placement wouldn't most likely take place until our 1 year marriage anyway. They say they will still present us to mom's. I'm going to have to trust that they will in fact start showing us even though it is technically against their policy to accept a marriage that is less than 1 year.

For those of you considering American private adoption you must know it's a "business" really a business.

On to calling Colorado, American Adoption, and the DSS.....
And still trying to finish the birth mom book.

Kansas or not

So frustrating. We received a list of agencies from Angel Adoptions and did our interviews and decided we would start with Kansas then add Colorado. Well after doing the application and just about everything else, we found out they have a one year minimum marriage requirement. This breaks my heart. And then we found out last week that Colorado has a two year minimum. The Kansas agency is going to check with their lawyer to see if they can work with us but who knows. Every time we hit a bump it just shakes me up. It really is a frustrating process - adoption. I go from infertility to bump, bump, bump in the adoption world. It makes me think it's not meant to be or maybe we are forcing something. Liam doesn't agree but then again he doesn't really believe in the "meant to be" idea.

So now I wait for the call back from Kansas.

Still working on our birth mom book

This is taking so much more time than I thought. Liam and I both thought "no problem, we can whip this thing together in no time!" Well.... ah.... no...I mean how do you really tell a birth mom the most important things about you in just a few words and pictures? Right now we have 21 pages and I think I'm only 3/4 of the way done. Then Liam needs to put his thoughts into it. This is a true test.
Oh we received our home study report over the weekend! Ha it made us laugh to see in my section that I was raised to be a "lady" - and she did put that in quotes. Hmm... And I noticed there was more said about Liam in general and a lot more beautiful descriptive word about him too. Really not a lot about me. Liam has to keep up the good work of making us look like we'll be good parents!
We find out today if the Kansas adoption agency will work with us since they say they require at least 1 year of marriage.

Then I begin to look for a new job!

Our Adoption

Finally this weekend we should finish our Birth Mom book and letter!

So I start my first blog. So much to say and so many places to start really.

The title of my blog "Everyday Surprises". Everyday there seems to be something or someone that surprises me. Right now there is so much happening and so many changes that I just needed to write it out and share this with our family and dear friends.