Keep on Moving

What to do. After a few months of freezing up, I'm on my way again. We've decided to add "adoption through foster care" into our adoption mix. The state says you cannot do both state and private adoption nor "trying" all at the same time! It seem unfair and it really seems like it's only our business on how we decide to build our family. I don't get it. But we are doing private and state adoption mix. The further this process goes on the more frustrating it becomes. Not the waiting but the "black market" approach the adoption industry has. I don't want to be negative but it's true. On the other side I know there is a baby/child out there who is right for us - I'm just a bit overwhelmed.
So now I move on to checking into a third agency to work with AND to start marketing us. Maybe Utah has a right agency for us. Note about Kansas agency - They are really great. No child yet but they are really great to work with so far. The Colorado agency not so much. Actually not at all. They say they haven't been showing us because our "budget" is too low. I told them it's the budget they advertise and they said it's still too low. So I upped it just a bit to see if we would get shown and still "our budget is too low" I do not want to work with them!

Vermont Life

We bought our home in West Newbury Vermont on July 14, 2010 - we are so blessed. We have a beautiful country home on 10.3 acres with a barn and a chicken shed (kind of) and views of the White Mountains. The day has a breeze, the weather is sunny and dry and the sky is blue with white fluffy clouds. We live on a dirt road that has maybe 5 cars a day pass by. I'm sitting in front of a wall of glass doors open with the breeze, watching the mountains and Liam hedge the weeds and grass around the stone wall of the barn. All we can hear are the crickets and the leaves blowing in the breeze. I love it here, it feeds my soul.

Still Nothing

Since we started this we've received 3 calls for potential matches but none of them fit our profile. We've been sent exactly the opposite of what our profile said. It really feels so empty out there. Like nothing is ever going to happen. I wonder if this is a normal feeling for waiting adoptive parents. I mean, maybe this too isn't our path??? I'm so confused because it just feels so much like nothing.... but feeling that is a feeling, I guess.
Will we ever adopt a healthy baby? Maybe we are too old for the regions we are signed up to adopt from.
Ugh this is so NOTHING!

Nothing

So nothing to report. It's so quiet that it doesn't feel like anything at all. Liam suggests that I find a "waiting to adopt" group to talk to about these feelings. The best way I was able to explain it to Liam is that it must feel like what men feel like when their wife is pregnant. You are cognitive of it but you can't feel it or really understand it. There is no emotional tie to it or the idea of it. We go through some of the motions of trying to think of boy names (as you know we picked a girl name - Lior) and I bought this stool for Liam for our child - Liam is an airplane junky, but that's about it. Some say to embrace the idea and start living/acting like you are pregnant and others say don't get your hopes up because the birth mom can change her mind at delivery. I'm stuck between the two theories.

Our First Call for a Match!

Sounds good right?? Nope. I'm not sure if they read our profile at all for what we are looking for. The Colorado agency sent us a birthmother profile that had just about everything we didn't want. Let's see... no prenatal care, she has no idea what sex it is (which is actually fine for us), the use of drugs and alcohol during the 5 months of her pregnancy (and she is 5.5 months pregnant), loads of personal and family health issues, huge monthly support fees.... the list goes on. The two things we really liked about this profile though was that 1) she only wanted to meet us once then to never see us again and that 2) her dad seems to be incredibly talented in music and art (though he is in prison).
It didn't take us long to make the decision to not to accept this match but it has been on Liam's mind ever since. He thought, "who will really take this kid?" - "We should take him because I'm sure no one else will." - "I can't really believe that someone really has that kind of life, it's so sad and makes me feel really bad." It's true though. You do get to know the birthmother even through the paperwork alone and you get a good sense about here and we're sure she's a good person in a life she was brought into; and she doesn't know any different.
But going back to the adoption agency.....what the heck were they doing sending us this kind of profile calling it a potential match!!!!!

Full stop.

It's so quiet

It's very strange to think we are adopting an infant. We want to plan the details of welcoming a baby into our home but at the same time it doesn't feel real. We feel nothing. I'm not pregnant so I don't feel tired, angry, sad, big... we can't feel a baby move... we don't get to have ultrasounds proving to us we are having a baby. Instead I feel fine, I have energy, I'm happy, I'm rowing and coaching, drinking wine.... hmmm we are just having normal, good times together. It's so quiet on the outside.

Next. We are thinking of going through the DSS (foster kids) for infants as well. We just learned that there are more infants than usual right now available in MA, so we thought we'd put in our application for the state as well. One of my friends adopted a child from the state and apparently it's a much easier application process and god knows we have EVERYTHING they could want about us. So that's an update for you! We'll see. It's just another option for us!

Kansas is all set!

I just received an email from the adoption agency in Kansas and she said we are all set and officially in the "waiting period" with them as well.
So now we officially waiting to adopt in Colorado, Oklahoma, and Kansas. Our baby is out there somewhere. We also looked at cribs yesterday :-) Liam started it :-)