Finding the energy

Someone said to me recently that she went through infertility treatments and when that failed they decided to adopt. She said if she knew then what she knows now she would have never even tried infertility treatments because she couldn't even imagine loving another child more than she loves her adopted daughter. It's really inspiring. Nevertheless, yesterday I had a really strong blow to my motivation, mood, heart.... A good friend of mine who is about 1 year older than I am found out that she has perfect FSH levels and will be looking into sperm donor. I was incredibly happy for her and very excited that she has this chance. But then I suddenly began to cry for my loss (our loss). I hadn't cried that hard in a really long time about this. Though I would honestly never try infertility treatments again, and though I love the idea of adoption (minus the costs), and I know it feels so right for me, I was very surprised that I am still processing this loss. I'm so fearful of the unknown and that really it's totally out of my control.

So after a good night with my adaptive rowing crew (winter training) and a great conversation with Liam, today is a new day and I'm finding the energy and enthusiasm to get this done and find a job!

>Today Liam and I realized that in our early 40's who would have thought we'd be going to 4 weddings this year!! Jack and Nancy in June in MA, Anton and Mariana in August in Bulgaria, Rose and Steve in September in MA, and then Louise and Geoffrey in December in Cape Town SA.

This year is really going to be exciting and full of surprises!!!

Oh yes..... now on to finishing that pressing birth mom book!